Blog Blargh

It’s happened.

For the first time, I caught myself thinking like a blogger. Let me explain: a perfectly mundane, if somewhat funny (and ultimately ironic) situation triggered a thought in my mind today. And almost right away, I envisioned a blog post, complete with its own punny title (I apologize in advance).

What’s particularly strange about this state of affairs is that up to about a week ago, this very same situation would have prompted a Facebook status. I’m embarrassed to admit it, but I’ve actually had times where, as something random/bizarre was happening, I thought to myself: That would make a great status, and ten minutes later, a snide comment would be up on my Wall. Or what’s even more compromising (and here I shudder), my friends and I have actually had this exchange:
(Insert funny one-liner of choice here)
“That is SO my going to be my status…”
“No way! I called it first!”
And despite the possibility of appearing hopelessly vapid and brainless, I will confess to one more incident. The other day, I told a friend that I had put up pictures of my newborn cousin on my wall. To which, in all seriousness, she said: Your Facebook wall? And for about a second there, that kinda made sense.

Ya, Facebook makes me sad.

On a semi-related note, this reminds me of the time I came across an awesomely funny book called Twitter Wit. Bear in mind, I was always wary of Twitter, figuring that nothing worthwhile could be said in 140 characters or less. Some people, however, have nailed the art of sarcastic repartee to a tee, producing such gems as:
The three worst mistakes you can make are overpromising and underdelivering.
or
I get the impression that the fat acceptance movement is more about acceptance than it is about movement.

My only problem is, (aside from the fact that the above-mentioned forms of media can be a severe and problematic waste of time), that I’ve experienced, first-hand, and all too painfully, the profound truth of a statement from one of my favorite movies, You’ve Got Mail: When you finally have the pleasure of saying the thing you mean to say at the moment you mean to say it, remorse inevitably follows.
And there’s the rub--you come up with the perfect snarky status, and it’s funny, and people laugh. And later you wonder: was it worth it? Do I really want to be the one responsible for writing that?

Which is why, I’m holding out on the aforementioned blog post. It would be funny, sure, but I’m not too convinced it would be nice, which in my mind, is a perfect reason to keep it to myself.

But because it’s hard to actually swallow that, I copped out by writing this little rant.

Because after all, isn’t THAT what thinking like a true blogger is really about?

Neither Here Nor There

If you type “bein kach u’bein kach” into a Hebrew-English dictionary, (and if you’re anything like me, you’ll first forget to set the language to Hebrew, getting a nonsense string of letters) you’ll get something along these lines: ‘anyhow’, ‘anyway’, or the most extreme—‘all the same’.

But because Hebrew is a Jewish language, and one opinion is never good enough, if you find yourself another dictionary, it’ll tell you that “bein kach u’bein kach” means ‘one way or the other’ or ‘either way’.

And if you translate it literally, word for word, you’ll realize that “bein kach u’bein kach” means ‘between this way and this way’, which is the definition I like best, which, in turn, brings me to the naming of this blog.

If I was being flippant, I would say I like the dichotomy all those definitions present, the way they seem so contradictory, all at the same time. If I was trying to be glib, I would admit to picking it partly because I like the shtickyness of a Hebrew blog name (why is it that Yiddish words always look preposterous when spelled out in English?) But the truth is, that’s not the only reason: as much as I stretched my brain (and I admit it, resorted to thesauri) I couldn’t find a phrase in English that encapsulated that feeling of, well, being between this way and that one. (In fact, the closest I came up with was “between a rock and a hard place”, and honestly, the connotations of that were way too negative for me. )

I know I’m not the first to talk about (and given time, gripe about) that feeling of in-betweeness (another word that isn’t a word that but should be—I see a disturbing trend developing here…). Reading other blogs, talking to my friends—the same general idea comes out: for some reason, a lot of my peers find themselves in limbo between two different directions.
And here’s the funny part: it’s not necessarily a bad thing. I’m not in the middle because I’m confused, or untethered, or simply lost. I’m there because I’m consciously, if cautiously, navigating the middle ground, in search of some sort of workable balance.

But whatever the reason, I’m still neither here not there, which means that decisions have to be made carefully, pros and cons constantly examined (and re-examined) and the thought process critically analyzed.

The whole process makes me think of Robert Frost’s “The Road Not Taken” (I’ve written way too many essays about it for the SATs—remember those days?) except instead of actually committing to one road , however less traveled, over the other, I feel like I’m frenetically alternating roads, like some sort of unstoppable Energizer bunny playing hopscotch (I honestly don’t know what prompted that simile).

And what’s worse, very often I don’t know why.

So I guess here’s my question: when navigating that middle ground, how do you know what you’re choosing is being chosen for the right reasons, and not out of convenience? How can you be sure you’re not lying to yourself?

I know this is heavy stuff to ponder, especially at the end of what I can only imagine has been a tiring week for everyone (oh yes, vacation can take quite a lot out of you,) but this has been on my mind a lot lately, and I guess I’m hoping someone out there will help me figure this out…

To Blog or Not to Blog?

If you’re reading this, then the title of this post is moot: I’ve obviously given in to temptation and started blogging. But before I really begin (think of this as a pre-inaugural post) I think it makes sense to examine the rationale behind this blog--which in turn is a platform for examining the rationale behind everything else.

When I was younger, I used to keep a journal. Not a “dear-diary”, flimsy lock-and-key journal, but the real deal: a staid composition notebook that I would pull out when things needed dealing with. Back then (which, come to think of it, wasn’t that long ago) I’d write until my hand cramped and my pencil went dull, and later, when I would re-read what I wrote, everything would fall in place.

And then I got older, and the issues got more complicated, and something about that old black-and-white notebook didn’t do it for me anymore. I’ve learned to go without it, but I’m left missing the process of writing out what I’m thinking about, the feeling of seeing tangible words instead of grasping at abstract thoughts. Which brings me to the issue at hand: blogging—namely, to blog or not to blog?

Let’s start with the reasons against, although actually, there’s only one: loss of privacy. Having been religiously reading blogs since I started Stern (Bad 4 Shidduchim, Shades of Grey, Happy Medium) I’m all too aware of just how much information you pick up following a blog. Even when bloggers attempt to remain anonymous, the little tidbits of info, combined with the claustorophobicity (not a word, but should be) of the YU world make it all-too-easy to figure out who people are.

And then there’s the inescapable reality that when you write, you put a piece of yourself into what you are creating, and that can ultimately give you away. Case in point: it took me all of five minutes of reading the blog of a close friend to recognize it as hers, although the identifying details were scarce.
To be honest, the prospect of the same happening to me scares me. Not just because being outed as a blog-writer seems like a quick way to lose shidduch points (trust me, that’s on my mind a lot lately), but because for better or for worse, there’s something frightening about the vulnerability of opening up your thought process to the world.

So why bother? Because I believe blogging will give me the opportunity to formulate my thoughts, concretize them in writing, and have others (hopefully!) add their input, all on a platform of complete anonymity (for as long as that lasts). Plus, having a blog is the perfect way to encapsulate my time in Stern, which I have a feeling I will appreciate later on, especially since I’ve been lousy about taking pictures (more on that later).

And before you get scared away by the heavy nature of my blog-to-be, let me warn you: for me, having a blog is the perfect opportunity to share things of a more frivolous nature with the world. Like this, for instance, for all those who are dying to know what happens to a Smiley Face during sefira. Which reminds me: don't forget to count!